Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I Don't Like the New Bank of America Branch in Los Feliz

Hey, you. Yeah, you.

I don't like you. That's right, new Bank of America branch at Hillhurst and Franklin avenues. I don't like you a bit.

I don't like your stupid building, your stupid colors, or your stupid huge logos. I don't like you coming into my neighborhood all big and bold, thinking that you can just shove your signage in the face of Los Feliz and get away with it. I'm not the only one who doesn't like you. There are others too.


I mean, you are ugly. It looks like you were painted with Muppet puke. And your little attempts at landscaping are pathetic. You are such a letdown. For months, we wondered what that patch of dirt was going to become. A clothing boutique no one shops at? A Pinkberry? Maybe another yoga studio? Nope. Just a boring, stupid bank branch.





And what's the deal with that stupid detail on the wall facing the alley with the dry cleaner? What's that supposed to be? It looks like a porthole to second-rate exterior designers' hell. And who's supposed to see it? The dry-cleaner owners, who just so happen to have X-ray vision?














Also, you'd better leave my Citibank branch alone. Its building is much more attractive, and it's covered in appealing bricks, not a cheesy ketchup-and-mustard motif. If anything happens to my Citibank, you're in for it. Especially that cute little Armenian teller who I have the secret crush on. If you touch so much as a hair on her head ...

So be on notice, B of A branch. You're being watched.

13 comments:

heather said...

Dude, it's a builing, calm down.

But muppet-puke thing was pretty funny.

heather said...

BUILDING, I mean building

Craig said...

Heather, are you posting comments while drunk at ACES?

Anonymous said...

Craig, your rant is hereby justified. Others, take notice. Applebee's: don't even think about it.

-Aaron

heather said...

wish I was at ACES. I did not get to go this year. The positive? I made the Huddies' shower.

Craig said...

Okay. But you were drunk.

Arda Zapek said...

I never knew you cared. I mean, I see you come into the bank, and sometimes you say hello. But I never knew you had a crush on me. I feel the same way. But I wish you'd told me sooner. I'm going back to Armenia in a month.

Craig said...

Arda, baby! I shoulda told you, and now it's too late! Bah!

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I should point out that I appreciate that they put the parking lot in the back. But it still looks like junk.

Dr. Hot Crap said...

do they serve burritos with their free checking? geez, that's an ugly building.

Erin S. said...

I totally agree. I had a fantasy that it was going to be a trader joe's, even though I knew the bldg and the parking lot were too small....oh well.

lawrence Everett Forbes said...

Wow--that new BofA building really IS ugly. Not just ugly--UH-GLEE (sans the "glee," obviously)! Somewhere between the terra cotta coloring and the phallic insecurity, a very ugly buidling was lobbed on an unsuspecting populace. It all reeks of what I like to call, "visual molestation."

That having been thought and typed, I'm sorry that they penetrated your beautiful Los Feliz bubble with that monstrosity. They should have posterection (and no, not THAT kind--the other, less salacious-sounding kind) counselors standing by--because while it is decoratively traumatic, it is indeed traumatic.

Bummer, dude.

Kevin said...

AMEN. It pisses me off that BOA's so NOT a good community member. Oversized, Disney "architecture" with styrofoam detailing, spray painted stucco, etc. And, right next door to Beck's library which is interesting, which does ADD to Los Feliz.

The best thing Los Feliz residents could do about it (I'm next door in Silver Lake) is organize & amend the general requirements in city code for the neighborhood. A couple more BoA's on Hillhurst, and that street & Los Feliz lose alot of their character.

erica said...

this rant is very justified and HILARIOUS. you know everyone's hearts sank when they saw that bldg go up. we were all excited and let so miserable down. that bldg is so culver city!