Hey, you. Yeah, you.
I don't like you. That's right, new Bank of America branch at Hillhurst and Franklin avenues. I don't like you a bit.
I don't like your stupid building, your stupid colors, or your stupid huge logos. I don't like you coming into my neighborhood all big and bold, thinking that you can just shove your signage in the face of Los Feliz and get away with it. I'm not the only one who doesn't like you. There are others too.
I mean, you are ugly. It looks like you were painted with Muppet puke. And your little attempts at landscaping are pathetic. You are such a letdown. For months, we wondered what that patch of dirt was going to become. A clothing boutique no one shops at? A Pinkberry? Maybe another yoga studio? Nope. Just a boring, stupid bank branch.
And what's the deal with that stupid detail on the wall facing the alley with the dry cleaner? What's that supposed to be? It looks like a porthole to second-rate exterior designers' hell. And who's supposed to see it? The dry-cleaner owners, who just so happen to have X-ray vision?
Also, you'd better leave my Citibank branch alone. Its building is much more attractive, and it's covered in appealing bricks, not a cheesy ketchup-and-mustard motif. If anything happens to my Citibank, you're in for it. Especially that cute little Armenian teller who I have the secret crush on. If you touch so much as a hair on her head ...
So be on notice, B of A branch. You're being watched.