Monday, August 14, 2006

Scenes From the YMCA

As I was telling a friend over dinner Saturday, if I ever wanted to film a Fellini* knockoff, I'd do it at a YMCA. I've encountered more nutso scenes there. For example:

  • The film would have to revolve around the Stretching Room, which is a freak show no matter what time you're there. It's always filled with at least a half dozen people performing exotic abdominal exercises, contortionist stretching routines, or pagan yoga dances. And at least half of them are really hot women wearing tight, sweaty workout clothes.
  • I'd also need to include the naked leviathan I encountered in the locker room recently. He was stark naked, walking to the showers at the same time I was. As he ambled in front of me, he suddenly broke into a sweet, loud, falsetto version of "Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner ..." I had to turn around and go back to my locker for a moment to compose myself.
  • Then there was the guy who took a shower with a towel wrapped securely around his waist.
  • And the dude who hacked at his face so violently with his razor that I was certain he'd hit an artery at any moment.
  • I've already told you about the horrifying time that "Oprah" was on the men's locker-room TV.
  • Finally, there was the guy in Roanoke whose story I can't tell in this space, seeing as I'm trying to make Rocket Fever an inviting, family-friendly blog. Most of you already know the story, but if you don't, just ask me sometime. Just make sure we're not eating when you do.

*Sister made me watch a Fellini film once. Hated it.

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