Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Rocket Fever Caffeine-Purge Death Match

A few days ago, I decided to temporarily stop drinking coffee. It wasn't because of the caffeine, but because coffee creates this hot ball of acid in my stomach. Not being partial to hot-acid stomach balls, I put away the coffee and started drinking tea. The effects have been noticeable:

  • Headaches
  • Clouded thinking
  • Tied tongue
  • Decrease in manual dexterity
  • Mood swings
  • General sluggishness

Yesterday was particularly bad. I actually felt my body strongly craving the caffeine. I took the edge off by eating these coffee crackers I bought in Chinatown, but that's when I decided I was really going to stick to this. Because if my body is all like, "Gimme some caffeine, b****!," I'm gonna be like, "What? WHAT?!"

The one -- completely unexpected -- benefit was that I didn't get my usual midday hunger pangs. Becky Amos, who conducted her own Caffeine-Purge Death Match a few months ago, concurs on the disappearance of hunger pangs. If anyone has an explanation for that, I'm listening. Weird.

So if you happen to pass me in the next couple days and my eyes are unfocused, or I have a murderous look on my face, or I'm hugging myself because I'm so cold ... so cold, just give me a nod and allow me to suffer silently through my Death Match. Thanks for your support.


Scott Baird, your shoes are near a mailbox on Hillhurst Avenue.


The MySpace Poll ended with the Loves winning it, 8-6. Now go take a sip of the new poll.


dsgnslave said...
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MLJ said...

Because it raises your blood sugar, caffeine is somewhat of an appetite suppressant. Whenever it wears off, your blood sugar drops and your appetite comes back, hence the pangs.

I admire your caffeine purge. I would need 28 days in rehab for such an endeavor.

Craig said...

I see. So not drinking the coffee keeps my blood sugar more stable?

Lawrence Everett Forbes said...

Oh, Buddy!

Sorry to hear about the DTs.... Don't know why, but for some reason, your symptoms remind me of that scene in "Lady Sings the Blues" where they show Diana/Billie thrashing and flailing around in a padded cell with a straitjacket on.

If only there were some sort of coffee relocation program out there. Hey--maybe that could be a side-project/business! You could offer counsel to the caffeine-challenged. Betty Ford beware! Craig Gaines is on the warpath--and he hasn't had a Cup o' Joe in days!

Best of luck in kicking the habit, man!